Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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