she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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