if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
