Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
