I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
