Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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