I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
