Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
