Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
