i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
