Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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