im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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