Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
