I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
