I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm like, not good at living.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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