My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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