I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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