Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
