I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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