Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
