He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
