Your mouth is God's brothel.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
