im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
