I didn't shave. On purpose
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
