Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
