This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
