he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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