actually, I'm a sock model
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
