OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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