Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
