It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
