tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have aggressive nipples.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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