he wants to bone in the snuggie
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up under a house in Key West
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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