i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
