Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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