i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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