Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
