I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
