so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
