my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
