im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
