Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
