i would punch a child for taco bell
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
