Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
