Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
