Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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