we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
