Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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