she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
