Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
