Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My vagina is officially offended.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
